Today was a day. It was one of those days where you ask yourself, "What am I doing?, Why can I not get it together?, etc." I needed a Mommy Time Out--literally, I needed a punishment for my behavior.
After lunch we went out to fly Cavett's new kite (check his blog tomorrow) and the peacefulness of that nearly got me back on track, but as soon as we went back in the house, "it" re-entered me. I put Kendrick down for a nap and Cavett was playing with his battleship (again, thanks John--the gift that keeps on giving!) I took a shower, got dressed and read a devotional. Isn't it amazing how the one you need to hear was the next in line? I read two--1) about re-claiming your identity other than mother and wife and, 2) about enjoying the music and not loosing yourself.
Since moving to Allen, my identity has been a bit lost. What career I have had is extremely non-existent. I am not saying I want to teach or make music professionally right now, but it is beginning to be missed from my soul. And, since I have been a professional musician and seem surrounded by sound all the time, especially the teacher side of me, I really like silence. Typically, I only have music on for parties. But, the second devotional I read talked about how this woman had suppressed some of her love of music--you know that 70's/80's boogie and she quit dancing. She decided to pull it back it out and introduce her children. Everyday at 5 while she was making dinner, she turned on the oldies and they dance and sang into the spatula microphone.
I decided that was a great idea and just what I needed to get out of the funk. Now, I am not a whiz at the new fangled ipods, in fact I just don't understand how people have the time to load them and organize their music, etc. But, I have discovered Pandora. LOVE IT and it makes listening so much easier and enjoyable. I plugged my iphone up to the stereo and typed in Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons. We were given a barrage of Beach Boys, Four Seasons, early Beetles, Monkees and the like. We danced, we sang, we had smiles on our faces when Dad walked though the door. It worked and it just may be our new daily ritual.
I shouldn't wonder who I am, because I know. I am still Stephen's wife, mom of Cavett and Kendrick. I am a child of God, and He has given me the gift of music to share with my children as well as the joy that goes with it.
"For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." Ephesians 2:10