Thursday, May 22, 2008

Just leave me alone already.

It never fails. I go to the grocery store with my two precious boys and the clerk or someone else in line asks if I am going to try for a girl. Do I not look like my hands are full enough trying to push a cart with a baby in one arm, a toddler hanging on to the side and trying to put groceries in my cart?????? This question has almost become more obnoxious and more frequent than when we were just married with no kids for 4 years. Why can't I just enjoy the two wonderful boys I have? Is there something wrong with that? Why does everyone think you have to have both sexes? Sure, it might be nice and there are times I wonder if I would like to have a girl. But, let me enjoy the baby I have right now. As Marion stated, I don't want to move on to the "next thing" yet.

Just to make sure everyone knows and you won't have to ask me again for a really long time, here is the answer. I have given off the flippant, "Girls scare me," just to end conversations. Well, ok, they do scare me at age 12-30. Come on, I taught middle school. I know, I know, "but I am the parent and will raise them right." The whole princess idea that everyone is into just repluses me. We are going to have a whole generation of girls who want everything and to be waited on hand and foot! Look at all these "spas" for little girls. What are we telling them? That they have to be beautiful to feel loved? It's just wrong. Does anyone else see this or am I jaded? I'm just not as girly as you think I may be. I digress............

If it were up to Stephen we would be done. I am not sure I am finished at this moment. Like Stephen says, one-on-one defense is better than zone. We would also like to extensively travel with them when they are old enough to appreciate it. It would be much more difficult to do that with 3 or more. Also, we are unsure where we will even be living in a year. However, I don't want to look back and say I wish we had one more, even if it is a boy. I don't want to feel like family holidays are incomplete.

Most of all, I am not sure I want to go through the pain of another miscarriage. One of my dear friends is going through this for a second time right now and it is absolutely heart-wrenching. I know all the feelings and pain she is experiencing. It's not fun. I am also getting older and there are more risks the more we wait. But, this is not the right time. If that time ever comes, I'll let you know. For now, I think I will just enjoy what God has given me.

So, just leave me alone already.

1 comment:

Falcone Family said...

Sounds familiar to me.I just had the same conversation with Jane about an hour ago at the park..not about having a girl/boy, but about having another one...getting the big Q. from the world. Feels so good to vent...feel better?? hope so!