Just leave me alone already.

It never fails. I go to the grocery store with my two precious boys and the clerk or someone else in line asks if I am going to try for a girl. Do I not look like my hands are full enough trying to push a cart with a baby in one arm, a toddler hanging on to the side and trying to put groceries in my cart?????? This question has almost become more obnoxious and more frequent than when we were just married with no kids for 4 years. Why can't I just enjoy the two wonderful boys I have? Is there something wrong with that? Why does everyone think you have to have both sexes? Sure, it might be nice and there are times I wonder if I would like to have a girl. But, let me enjoy the baby I have right now. As Marion stated, I don't want to move on to the "next thing" yet.

Just to make sure everyone knows and you won't have to ask me again for a really long time, here is the answer. I have given off the flippant, "Girls scare me," just to end conversations. Well, ok, they do scare me at age 12-30. Come on, I taught middle school. I know, I know, "but I am the parent and will raise them right." The whole princess idea that everyone is into just repluses me. We are going to have a whole generation of girls who want everything and to be waited on hand and foot! Look at all these "spas" for little girls. What are we telling them? That they have to be beautiful to feel loved? It's just wrong. Does anyone else see this or am I jaded? I'm just not as girly as you think I may be. I digress............

If it were up to Stephen we would be done. I am not sure I am finished at this moment. Like Stephen says, one-on-one defense is better than zone. We would also like to extensively travel with them when they are old enough to appreciate it. It would be much more difficult to do that with 3 or more. Also, we are unsure where we will even be living in a year. However, I don't want to look back and say I wish we had one more, even if it is a boy. I don't want to feel like family holidays are incomplete.

Most of all, I am not sure I want to go through the pain of another miscarriage. One of my dear friends is going through this for a second time right now and it is absolutely heart-wrenching. I know all the feelings and pain she is experiencing. It's not fun. I am also getting older and there are more risks the more we wait. But, this is not the right time. If that time ever comes, I'll let you know. For now, I think I will just enjoy what God has given me.

So, just leave me alone already.

Vitamins

Cavett has been taking vitamins since his last visit to the doctor in January. He is taking the "My First" Flintstone vitamins--the precursor to the same vitamin I took as a kid. He loves talking about who he is eating each day--Pebbles, Bam-Bam, Fred or Dino the Dinosaur. It occured to the the other day, he really has no idea who these characters are. You can't find the old 60's cartoons on any more. Every now and then I see Tom & Jerry, but that's it. So, we YouTubed it today. I enjoyed it, but Cavett wasn't terribly interested. Maybe he's just too young, or maybe I am just too nostalgic.

One more "note"

I feel very honored to be included in this little group, Cantare. My voice is not as trained, my mind not as keen, my ear not as astute as my colleagues in Cantare. But, they bring me to another level and challenge me to become better. Kevin Riehle, our director is also an inspiration. His love of music and passion for heart-felt quality is priceless.

During this weekend's concerts I have "gated." This is a term we use in SongPlay when one feels they have had another's experience. I have felt like I was conducting too. It's been 5 years since I have conducted such a group (my masters recital), but he made me remember the joy and sheer fun of it. It is so nice to watch a conductor who truly cares about his singers and players so and really expresses both with hands and face what he wants from the music.

I am so blessed to be a part of this community of music making and life changing. Thanks, Kevin for giving me this chance.

Approval

The past two weeks have been busy every night. If not for rehearsals, there was a VBS meeting or a "mandatory girls" night. I have missed putting my children to bed and sitting on the couch folding clothes with my dear husband. However, I have been pondering life as I drive into town by myself each night. I have come to realize that singing with Cantare is something I need to do for myself and God. And, it is a good thing. The sermon today summed up all my thoughts of the week and help solidify my answer.

All my life I have been singing or playing in concerts and always wanted someone there to hear and see me. I was searching for approval, wanting someone to love me and what I did. As I have gotten older, I didn't need anyone in the audience. It was just fun to sing. Don't get me wrong, I love it even more when I know someone in the audience. But, now that I have children, I realize it is not about me, but about who I am and what I can do to serve God. When we try to seek others approval we will always fall short. Ultimately, it's not what others think of me, it is what God thinks of me and his approval. Luckily, He is unconditional in His love, because otherwise we would never measure up. In Christ, God has approved us.

As I prepare for my concert this afternoon, I am grateful that my Uncle Karl will be there, even if it was not to see me (one of his students is the tenor soloist). I am very glad that I will still get to visit with him. It's sort of like having my Dad there. But, I am singing for the glory of God. Even if it is about a Jewish battle 166 years before Jesus, there are parallels to His coming and conquering the foe! My witness is through singing.

"My old self has been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. So, I live in this earthly body by trusting the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." Galatians 2:20

Aside-Last night's concert of Handel's work went very well considering the amount of music and the very little time we had with orchestra and soloists. It was just extremely long. 3 hours! What was Handel thinking!?!?!?! I guess they had very little other forms of entertainment in the day. It clips along and you never really feel like one piece was too long, but good grief, there are 64 of them!!!!!!

A Downtown Destination

A fun thing to do with kids in Houston is go to the Aquarium for dinner. Granted it is a little over priced and it is VERY commercialized, they still like looking at the fish. We went for an early dinner in between my rehearsal and concert at Zilkha Hall last night. Besides the Aquarium, they have a "zoo" of sorts with snakes, sharks, tigers, etc, as well as amusement rides. You can get an all day pass to do everything for about $15, but we were only there long enough to ride a couple of rides. Cavett finally got to take a ride on a ferris wheel. We had tried to at the rodeo earlier this year, but it was too windy. Luckily, he isn't old enough to realize all the other "attractions" they have or to "want" all the other junk they sell.

Zero Points

As I was having my 0 point snack this afternoon, Kendrick decided he liked it too. Yes, he is eating a pickle!

What's Kendrick been up to?

Everything!!! He is bear crawling everywhere (probably due to the tile floor) and every now and then he will stand alone for a few seconds. He has just started doing the milk sign. I am not sure he really understands when to do it, but he realizes he controls his hands now. He is also eating more solid foods and is making a royal, but fun mess.